Disappointment is a universal emotion. Disappointment is the distance between our expectations and our reality. The gap between what we think should happen and what actually does happen.

Disappointment rears its head everywhere. We experience it in sports (I’m a Detroit Lions’ fan)… in our careers (ever get passed over for a promotion or a raise?) … and often in our relationships.

I have no help for you if you root for the Lions… other than to give you the phone number of a good therapist. I can encourage you a little about your work… stay positive and keep doing what’s right and hopefully your manager will eventually take notice. But I’d like to focus today on disappointment as it relates to relationships.

How do we respond to the disappointment that happens when our relationships don’t deliver what we hoped they would?

Right-size our expectations

Jesus is the only person who walked on earth who will never disappoint you. All others at some point will. If you’re a perfectionist… especially from a relational perspective… you will suffer a lot of disappointment.  Not suggesting we turn negative about people… just that we be realistic so when the inevitable relationship disillusionments happen, we won’t be shocked.

Be responsible for our own stuff

Take ownership of your happiness… of your attitude… of your part in any relationship. I can’t fix my spouse… she can’t fix me.  I can’t blame her when my attitude is sour, and vice versa. It’s not her job to “complete me” (Images of Tom Cruise are crossing my mind as I write.) Our level of disappointment will decrease when we own the relational responsibility that belongs to us.

Take the long view

Disappointment is part of the human condition. In the immediate moment it can feel like we’ll never get over it. Taking the long view means figuring out how to harness it for good… and that starts with how we think about it. Have you ever experienced a disappointment that turned out to be a divine appointment? In your teens, did you ever have a crush on someone who didn’t feel the same way about you? And when some time passed and your pain subsided, you found yourself actually glad the relationship never materialized? Your disappointment was in reality God’s appointment.

A Phil Keaggy song back in the 1980’s (Yes I know I’m old) contained a line that went like this – “Disappointment, His appointment, though it may come in disguise… His appointment must mean blessing…”

If you struggle with relational disappointment, I’m not trying to minimize your pain.  But I am challenging you not to park yourself there. Instead… right-size your expectations of people… it’s not their job to make you happy. That’s your job. Don’t allow disappointment to embitter you… learn from it and become a better, stronger, more well-rounded person.  And remember those situations where disappointment eventually turned out to be a God-send. I think I’ll look up Phil Keaggy on the web and listen again to his old but relevant tune.