Healthy churches aren’t conflict-free. Rather, they’re led by pastors who know how to navigate conflict well. In this episode, we share six practical strategies to help you lead hard conversations with humility, listen with empathy, and pursue biblical reconciliation.

 

Revisit Episode 346

• Church conflict is hardly new.
• Postponement . . . not avoidance.
• Ministry longevity requires pastors to make tough people-decisions,
• Navigating conflict starts with the story you tell yourself:

Craft the story you tell others – Six ideas:

Idea 1: Be humble and curious

• You probably don’t have all the facts.
• Douglas Stone: “People almost never change without first feeling understood.”
• Stephen Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

 

Idea 2: Assume the best about the person at the center of the conflict

• Is it possible you’re not accurately interpreting what they said/did?
• Is there a chance what they said/did was unintentional?
• Is their behavior symptomatic of something deeper?
• Have I been clear with expectations?

 

Idea 3: Own your part

• What, have you as leader done or not done that may have contributed to the conflict?
• In mostrelational conflicts, the parties involved each contributed in some way.

 

Idea 4: Listen . . . for real

• Listening to the other party helps you learn. It communicates care.
• It helps them listen better to

 

Idea 5: Share your perspective clearly

• Express your feelings/perspective about the situation.
• This helps the other party understand you.
• “When you say/do X, those near you feel Y.”

Idea 6: Articulate a way forward

• Do they want to fix this?” If yes, then detail what “fixed” means based on the Bible.
• If they don’t want to fix it . . . it’s likely time to start discussing an exit strategy for them.

 

Pastor you can—and you must—learn how to navigate conflict. Your church’s health, your health, and the difficult person’s health hang in the balance.