Welcome to the final episode in our series on navigating conflict. So far, we’ve explored the story you tell yourself and the story you tell the person at the center of the conflict. Today, we focus on the third story . . . the one you tell everyone else. How you communicate with those in the conflict’s debris field will either build trust or undermine it. This conversation will help you lead with wisdom and integrity when others are watching

 

Understand that conflict creates a debris field

• Every significant conflict affects more than the two people involved.
• People create their own stories when leaders don’t provide one.
• Silence creates a vacuum—and people naturally fill vacuums with assumptions.

• Questions to ask:
• What does my church need from me right now in terms of communication?
• What information helps people remain steady?
• What information is simply satisfying their curiosity?

 

Keep the conversation short and sweet

• Most leaders either under or over-explain.
• Communicate three things:
  • Here’s what happened.
  • Here’s what’s happening now.
  • Here’s what’s next.

 

Resist the temptation to vindicate yourself

• In these moments, your temptation may be to defend your reputation.
• Not every accusation deserves an answer.
• Jesus didn’t answer every accusation.

 

Protect everyone’s dignity

• Even when someone has behaved poorly, don’t humiliate them publicly.
• Don’t use your platform to settle scores.
• Today’s difficult person could become tomorrow’s restored brother or sister.

 

Know your legal boundaries

Talk with:

• Your attorney.
• Your HR advisor if you have one.
• Your insurance company.

 

Refuse to feed the rumor mill

• People will ask questions. Some of those questions deserve answers.
• Others deserve a gracious response like: “Out of respect for everyone involved, we’re not going to discuss those details.”

 

Finish with Hope

• Every conflict teaches your church something.
• What are they learning from the way you lead through this?
• People may forget the conflict’s details. They’ll remember how their leaders handled it.

Healthy leadership isn’t measured by the absence of conflict. It’s measured by how you lead people through it.