We have been posting for the past several weeks about getting our lives aligned personally. Hopefully you’ve been able to implement some of these alignment components. We will spend the next two weeks finalizing Unshakable Leader: The Simple Yet Amazing Power of Alignment. Soon you’ll have a full toolbox to build your personal leadership into the fully aligned system it was meant to be.

Today we are talking about Alignment Component 4: Replenishing Relationships.

In the second chapter of the book of Genesis, we see Adam in perfect relationship with God. No disruption of sin existed to taint it. They walked and talked together without barrier. And yet God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

God knew that we needed other human beings to thrive. We need a relationship with our Heavenly Father PLUS safe, honest relationships with people. Our vertical relationship with God and horizontal relationships with people are required components in the alignment journey.

During the COVID-19 Pandemic, we truly learned the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual ramifications of being separated from people for too long. At some level, we are still recovering from being out of relationship with others.

Replenishing relationships that we need in our personal network are as follows:

• Spouse – If you are married, a thriving relationship with your husband or wife is crucial. However, your spouse should not be the only friend in your network.
• Close Friends – These are safe, reliable, trustworthy confidants who know everything about you but love you anyway.
• Hangout Friends – Life-giving people who you can relax and laugh with are crucial to the alignment pursuit.
• Accountability Friends – These friendships include people who pray with you, challenge you and aren’t afraid to tell you what you need (not always want) to hear.
• Mentors, Coaches, and Counselors – Professionals who can help you process life are vitally important as well. These professional relationships tend to be seasonal in nature.

 

Replenishing relationships are an irreplaceable part of personal alignment.

 

Three major obstacles can get in the way of establishing these relationships:

 

Fear

The fear of rejection and/or fear of getting burned. Regarding rejection, we often worry that if people really got to know us, they wouldn’t like what they find. Or we’ve suffered hurt in previous relationships and are afraid that it will happen again. The truth of the matter? All relationships possess some degree of risk—yet more times than not—the reward is worth the risk.

Social Media

Obviously, we are not against using social media. It is a tool that can be used wisely to enhance relationships and stay in touch with people. However, we get out of alignment when it’s used as the only means to foster friendships. Digital relationships alone are not enough to keep us aligned and can often lull us into a false sense of reality—what you see is not always what you get when it comes to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.

Calendar

Our schedules can squeeze out opportunities for friendship. We must fight back. What can we let go of today that creates space for friendship?

Ultimately, all of the above boils down to this: Replenishing friendships significantly impact our personal alignment . . .  and they keep us safe. They keep our emotional tanks full, help us process stress, and protect us from unhealthy thinking.

Even considering all this extensive reasoning in favor of replenishing relationships, you might feel overwhelmed because you simply don’t know how to do this. May we offer some shortcuts, or “hacks,” to get you started?

Hack 1: Go First

Rather than waiting for people to reach out to you, be brave and take the initiative to reach out first. And if at first you don’t succeed (remember that calendar thing? People truly are very busy), try again!

Hack 2: Be Reciprocal

Be intentional about giving-and-taking. In a thriving relationship, sometimes you’re doing the encouraging and listening. Other times you’re receiving encouragement and being listened to. Be cognizant of this so that you’re not trapped in a one-sided relationship.

Hack 3: Be Kind

Our world is increasingly unkind. Being kind sets you apart and draws people to you. When you are kind, friendship will come easier.

Hack 4: Grow Your Listening Skills

Have you ever been doing the talking in a conversation and you can tell that the person “listening” isn’t really listening? Do you get the impression they’re just mentally preparing for what they will say next? Don’t be that person. Genuinely and actively communicate interest in conversations with appropriate eye contact, welcoming body language, and reflective listening.

Hack 5: Be Trustworthy

We live in a gossipy society. Refuse to take part. Obviously, broken trust is detrimental to relationships. The ability to maintain confidentiality, to be reliable and dependable are vital to healthy friendships.

Hack 6: Be Wisely Transparent

The more trust grows, the more we can share about ourselves. Often, we either open up too soon, or we never open up at all. Both extremes are unhealthy.

Hack 7: Be Available

Friendship does not happen by accident. We need to create space for it. That goes back to the whole calendar thing. We will never have time for friendship—we need to make time for it.

 

We are winding down our alignment journey. Spiritual hunger, physical fitness, the integration of our thoughts and emotions; and replenishing relationships set us up to better lead our families, our teams, and our organizations. But one more component is necessary . . . live-giving rhythms. We will talk about that in next week’s post.

In the meantime, be sure to take time to reflect on the following regarding replenishing relationships:

1. What gets in your way of prioritizing friendship?
2. In what ways would your leadership life improve if you increased the amount of time spent with friends who bring out the best in you?
3. Who is mentoring you? Who are you mentoring?

 

We are rooting and praying for you!

John & Jaime