by | May 21, 2024 | Gossip, Leadership, Ministry Leader, Pastor, The Church

Gossip . . . perhaps the most pervasive problem in the church today. And the lack of unity it produces weakens the witness of the Church and ultimately the reputation of Jesus.

In today’s episode John and Jim tackle a subject that comes from a friend of Converge Coaching, Jay Fowler . . . collapsing relational triangles. They hope to carve a path that will help build unity in the church or ministry you lead.



Church life can get messy

  • Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”
    • The offended party has the responsibility to commence communication with the offender.
  • Matthew 5:23-24: “Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your them; then come and offer your gift.”
    • In this instance the offending party also has responsibility to commence communication with the person they offended.
  • Gossip might be the number 1 problem in the Church big C.
  • How triangulation occurs – Brother A, Brother B, Brother C

Matthew 18:15-16 gives a way forward

  • If you are brother C and brother B comes to you with what brother A did to him:
    • Ask brother B: “Have you had a chance to talk with brother A about this?”
    • If brother Person A and brother B cannot get reconciled, offer to go with them.
  • If you are Brother B – the person brother A offended:
    • Go face to face with brother A.
    • Go humbly. Humility is the foundation of healing relational conflicts.
    • Go ready to forgive.
  • If you are Brother A – the person who offended brother B.
    • Take the initiative to restore the relationship with brother B – Matt. 5:23-24.
    • Practice graciousness if Brother B or Brother C comes to you with a complaint.
    • Genuinely admit your part in the problem and request forgiveness.

Jesus ends this section of Matthew 18 stating: “For where 2 or 3 gather in My name, there I am in the midst of them.” Jesus is not talking about a prayer meeting here.  He is talking about the unity that emerges when we collapse relational triangles.