A famous proverb begins: “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but…” Perhaps no words ring truer for pastors than these. There’s a second part to that proverb… but I’ll share it with you in a bit.

When I was a pastor—especially during my years as a lead pastor—the underlying pressure of pastoral responsibility was always there. Financial concerns, being misunderstood and misrepresented at times, fighting insecurities, dealing with the dysfunction of people, etc. All these create pressure. The unrelenting strain can wear down even the finest leader. But it doesn’t have to. We’ll learn in a minute one secret every pastor can leverage to deal with pressure.

To be fair, serving as a pastor has its privileges. It’s awesome to lead a group of Jesus-followers. It’s exhilarating to encourage spiritual formation and equip disciples to discover, develop, and deploy their gifts. Teaching God’s word is an honor. Watching Him heal broken lives never gets old.

But in the middle of all that goodness lives this nagging pest called pressure. The weight of responsibility pastors carry can range from mild to suffocating. The apostle Paul felt this: “Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches.” 2 Corinthians 11:29

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but…” Some pastors try to handle leadership pressure on their own. The problem with that approach is isolation only compounds pressure’s negative effects. Pride, fear, poor modeling from mentors, or inaccurate thoughts like “I should be able to handle this in my own” can paint us into a corner. We may feel trapped, and too embarrassed to admit our struggle. And without some kind of help, we begin dreaming of a day when we no longer have to labor under the load. We imagine what it would be like to just show up at church with no responsibilities, no cares, no hassles, and no agenda other than being fed.

Is the weight of pastoral responsibility avoidable? No. If you’re a responsible leader, pressure comes with the territory. Does it have to derail you? No. Many pastors have learned healthy ways to address the pressure issue. (Some have learned unhealthy ways as well). Probably a dozen ways exist to deal with leadership pressure—but today I’d like you to consider just one secret. It’s not the only secret—but it’s one that will help you immensely.

Here’s the full proverb: “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” It’s unlikely we’ll handle pastoral pressure in a healthy way if we try to do it alone. You and I need friends. Godly friends. Wise friends. Truth-telling friends. Committed friends. Funny friends. When you share your burden with a trusted friend, the burden is automatically cut in half. The simple act of telling a confidant about the pressure you feel reduces the weight, simply because it’s shared. And when your friend responds with a kind word, the load may not be lighter, but it feels lighter. Sharing the load doesn’t make it disappear—it just makes it easier to bear.

Jimmy Dodd writes: “It is not possible to thrive alone.” Here’s what I know: Far too many pastors live in relational exile. Some do so out of poor training by their early ministry models. Some pastors live in exile due to fear. They’re afraid if people really knew about their struggle, a loss of respect would follow. They fear people would lose confidence in their leadership. And that may be true in some instances. A few people may lose respect and confidence when pastors admit they struggle with pressure. But your true friends will respond with kindness and grace, and help you work toward a solution.

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Pastor… do you need a kind word today? Let me give you a few: You are called by God. You are loved God. You are cared about by friends. Yes, the pressure you feel is real. It’s even annoying at times, isn’t it? But you can thrive even under duress. Call out to God and your friends for help. And if you’re struggling to find a friend, I’m a good listener. Reach out to me here and let’s start a conversation.

I’m praying and rooting for you!