Today we welcome a fresh voice to the Converge Coaching blog… Mary Selzer. Mary is a life coach, a good friend, and a pastor’s wife. Hope you enjoy her contribution ~ John

One of the unsolved mysteries in ministry is why God gave specific details for the role of a pastor (overseer), but the role of the pastor’s wife is not mentioned. Maybe when Paul wrote his instructions to pastors, the role of the wife crossed his mind and he thought, “I’m not touching that one with a ten-foot pole.”

Although scripture is silent about the pastor’s wife’s role, Amazon lists over 130 books written specifically for people like me. Some of the titles include Perils of a Pastor’s Wife; Survival Guide for Pastor’s Wives; Forced to be a Pastor’s Wive; Help God! I’m a Pastor’s Wife; Pastor’s Wives Wear Biker Boots; You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes; I Don’t Want to be a Pastor’s Wife; Joy and Pain of Ministry Wives; The Cross-Bearing of Being a Pastor’s Wife; Silent Tears of a Former Pastor’s Wife. And my favorite… The Pastor’s Wife’s Cookbook. Apparently we even eat different foods from “normal” people.

Just reading the titles is enough to make a person want to run the other way.

In all fairness, I did search for books about “Wives of Accountants” – nada. “Wives of Neurosurgeons” – nothing. “Wives of Plumbers” – zilch. The only other books I could find under the search words “books for wives of…” resulted in nine pages of books for wives of alcoholics (compared to twenty pages of books for pastors’ wives!) A plethora of resources to help solve a problem.

When did being a pastor’s wife become problematic? It saddens me that so many pastors’ wives have had such unpleasant experiences… and they’ve felt compelled to publish them.

In our 26 years of pastoral ministry, we have undergone numerous disappointments, disagreements, and devastations. But I would imagine if my husband were an accountant, a neurosurgeon, or a plumber, the story would be the same. We live in a real world with real people. Where there are people, there are problems… inside and outside the church. It’s not about our title as much as it is how we treat people.

So here’s a possible solution: What if we abandon the title “pastor’s wife” and just embrace our original matrimonial identity… wife. Just plain wife. Scripture certainly has plenty to say about that role, doesn’t it?

Then maybe we can relax in our own skin, enjoy how God made us, and simply help our husbands become the best pastors they can be.

Who knows? We might even be able to ramp up those church potlucks by cooking something from the Pastor’s Wife’s Cookbook. On second thought… I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole. ~ Mary Selzer