Pastors suffer a rate of depression 4x that of the general population. For most, it sneaks up and surprises them. Emotional crisis often bubbles unnoticed under the surface until it blows up in your face. So today I’m following up my last two blogs, 7 Reasons Pastors Leave the Ministry , and 5 Things I Learned as a Suicidal Pastor with some pointers on identifying the beginning stages of depression before it overwhelms you.
Is it possible to know when you’re heading toward depression? Yes. It starts with understanding depression is more than feeling blue. It’s different than experiencing a few bad days in a row. Major depression can be identified by a combination of five or more recognizable symptoms lasting for at least two weeks. These warning signs tend to coalesce around ten common signals:
Insomnia or excessive sleeping
My battle with depression included intense insomnia. I would climb into bed about 10:30 p.m., lie awake until 1:00 a.m., and finally drift off to sleep for 1-2 hours—and then be awake for the rest of the night. This pattern continued for several weeks and intensified my depressed mood.
Overeating or appetite loss
My experience included a significant decrease of appetite along with considerable weight loss. You have to understand: I’m Polish-Italian. Food was a big deal growing up in my family. At holiday gatherings, we took more pictures of food than we did people. Not wanting to eat should have been a major warning sign for me that something was wrong. An unusual increase in appetite may also signal danger.
Loss of interest in activities that once proved pleasurable, including sex
Normal daily life—work, play, time spent with family and friends—may yield little pleasure to a depressed person. At the low point of my depression and for several months afterward while recovering, my interest in sex noticeably diminished.
Persistent aches or pains that don’t ease with treatment
In my case, I experienced phantom physical symptoms, such as numbness in my arms and legs. Neurological tests ruled out any physical explanation for those sensations. I also suffered with a persistent feeling of choking coupled with difficulty breathing. Once again, multiple visits to my family doctor and an ear-nose-throat specialist yielded no explanation. The ENT specialist suggested it could be stress-related. I found out soon after he was right.
Fatigue and decreased energy
At the bottom of my emotional black hole I found it difficult to accomplish much of anything. I’d go to the office, knock one item off the list and find myself totally exhausted. Worse yet, I discovered helping my wife with our four young boys was problematic. Raising children requires energy and I had precious little in reserve.
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and helplessness
There were times during my struggle when it seemed like I couldn’t do anything. As a task-oriented person, I felt useless and guilty. Depression feeds a sense of helplessness, coupled with the fear that life is spinning out of control.
Feelings of hopelessness and pessimism
In the darkest days of my depression, a pervading sense of despair surrounded me. It was so palpable—even when the sun was shining—I’d look out the window, the landscape seemed gray and gloomy. This hopelessness often leads a depressed person to conclude his/her life is over. By the way, if a depressed person says those words to you, he/she is not being melodramatic. They are simply relaying what they believe to be true.
Irritability or restlessness
Clinically depressed individuals find patience elusive. It takes very little to set them off. You may notice them pacing the floor or being fidgety. Sometimes irritability indicates a lack of maturity. But it’s possible to mistake irritability for immaturity, when in reality, it may be a signal of deep emotional distress.
Persistent sad, anxious, or empty feelings
The emotional pain of depression can be overwhelming. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 23 years old. I was close to Mom, and her death was a painful blow. Oddly enough, the pain of major depression felt even worse.
I experienced uncontrollable crying spells for several weeks. Panic attacks were common. I even suffered several of these episodes while preaching at my church. Somehow I hid my distress, forced my way through to the end of the message, and then escaped to my office while someone else dismissed the service in prayer.
Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts
According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), as many as 90% of those who commit suicide are clinically depressed, have a substance abuse problem, or both. When I was depressed, I felt dead on the inside. I sensed no joy, no hope, and wrestled with incredibly dark thoughts. Eventually, I found myself thinking about the least painful way to take my life.
According to NIMH, if you experience up to five of these symptoms for more than two weeks, it’s time to seek help. Make an appointment with your medical doctor immediately, and locate a competent counselor right away. Humble yourself and enlist the help you need. Surround yourself with mature, loving people who will allow you to wrestle through the experience without quoting scriptures to you or trying to cast out a demon from you. I believe in the power of the Word of God, but the last thing a clinically depressed person needs is a lecture, or spiritual clichés such as, “Let go and let God,” or “If you just pray more, you’ll feel better.” These responses are out of context and don’t help.
Here is the good news—depression is not a life sentence. If you’re depressed, life is not over. Many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. But the majority of those who do seek help get better. Get the help you need… right now.
Pastor or ministry leader, if you’re struggling, about to call it quits, and don’t know where to turn, I’m here for you. I have weaknesses, but confidentiality isn’t one of them. Please contact me at [email protected] and let’s start a conversation. Or click here for my latest book, Unshakable You: 5 Choices of Emotionally Healthy People.
I’m praying and rooting for you!
It was interesting when you said that someone with depression may find it hard to be patient, which can lead to things like pacing or fidgeting. I’m worried that my husband might be suffering from depression because he’s been acting strangely for a few months now; he has been pacing and fidgeting almost constantly in addition to other symptoms I’ve noticed. I want to say thanks for sharing this article because it helped me feel motivated to encourage him to seek help through therapy.