In last week’s blog—Swallowing the Bitter Pill—I admitted my occasional struggle with bitterness. We explored the negative impact of grudge-holding on our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. I introduced several forgiveness thought-starters for us to consider, in hopes it would help us get better at releasing our offenders.

Today I’d like to share four things we need to know when it comes to the F-word:

Forgiveness is not trust

Forgiving a person who wounded you with their mouth or behavior doesn’t imply you automatically trust them again. In some cases, trust may never be reestablished. If I loan you $20, and you don’t pay me back, I’ll forgive you. But I’m not loaning you another $20.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation

Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two. Forgiveness doesn’t require the offender to apologize or make amends. (Though it makes forgiving them easier.) Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires humility and willingness from both parties. While reconciliation may not always be possible or wise, extending forgiveness is always possible and wise.

Forgiveness is not amnesia

You’ve heard the phrase: “Forgive and forget.” I want to challenge that line of thinking for a minute. When God forgives us, He doesn’t go into denial. Or pretend nothing happened. He remembers we’ve sinned—He just doesn’t hold it against us anymore. Forgiveness is not a summons to amnesia. We remember the incident, but it no longer controls our emotions. We’ve let it go, even to the degree where we can wish our offender well.

Forgiveness is not devaluing

Forgiveness doesn’t mean diminishing ourselves. On the contrary, real forgiveness upholds our value. We can forgive while at the same time, acknowledge that our feelings about the injury are valid and important.

So why should we work at learning to forgive? Not enough space in the blog to list all of the reasons… let me leave you with one: Forgiveness releases God’s creative genius into our pain! It allows us to fully experience His ability to take the painful events of our past and turn them into something beautiful, fruitful, and life giving.

I’m curious… what do you think about the F-word? What have you learned about forgiveness in your own experience that has made it easier for you to do? Take a minute to comment and share your thoughts with me.