by | Feb 28, 2023 | Anger, Emotional Health, Leadership, Mental Health, Ministry Leader, Pastor

In today’s episode John and Jim continue their conversation which started in Episode 176 . . . Telling Anger Where to Go. All of us experience anger. We get and stay healthy by processing it in a way that honors God and frees us from the suffocating grip of bitterness at the same time.

You can listen to the episode here. Here is the video version.

Show notes are below:

Ephesians 4:26: “In your anger, do not sin.”

Mishandled anger negatively impacts our mental and emotional health.

5 fundamentals about anger:

  • Anger is a human emotion
  • Anger is a secondary emotion
  • Anger is sometimes the right emotion
  • Anger is a revealing emotion – it calls attention to root issues we need to address
  • Anger can be a devastating emotion



  • Assertiveness: telling a person who’s taken something from you how their behavior negatively impacted you.
  • The middle ground between passivity and aggression.
    • Passivity tells your anger to go inward.
    • Aggression— tells your anger to explode outward.


  • Forgiveness is simply the decision to cancel a debt.
    • Ephesians 4:31-32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (NIV)
  • Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the pain inflicted on us. It simply moves us toward healing.
  • Most offenses that happen to us we need to get over quickly.
  • Some wounds cut deep. One of the hardest things to do in life is to forgive a person who’s deeply wounded you. King David: “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God” (Psalm 55:12-14).


In deep-wound situations:

  • Be honest about the harm done
  • Be committed to the process – Forgiveness isn’t always instantaneous.
  • Be patient with yourself


Why does learning to forgive matter so much? When we nurse and rehearse the hurt, it reinforces our negative emotions, and burns the event and pain even deeper into our neuropathways. When we refuse to forgive, cortisol causes our brain to atrophy, especially our memory center called the hippocampus.