This past weekend Laura and I served a church in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. For those of you who are not Michiganders, our state’s Upper and Lower Peninsulas are connected by the 5-mile long Mackinac Bridge.  If you don’t like bridges, you really wouldn’t like the Mackinac. If you’re fascinated by bridges, you would love it. The views of Lake Huron, Lake Michigan, and the Straits of Mackinac are spectacular… but if something should go wrong and you plunge over the side of the railing, in the dulcet tones of Captain Quint—“farewell and adieu, to you fair Spanish ladies…”

The Mackinac Bridge reminds me of relationships. Some of us fear relational connection.  Maybe due to past hurts, disappointments, or even abuse—we’ve burned bridges in an attempt to protect ourselves from further damage. We give in to the temptation of isolation.

Staying disconnected from certain people is understandable… and in some cases advisable. But God never intended for us to live outside of meaningful relationships forever.

For some of us, the temptation of isolation is not based in fear but in our fast pace. We overschedule, overcommit, and friendship gets squeezed out. It’s a sobering day when you realize you haven’t spent any quality time with friends in weeks (or months).  Long-term isolation is not healthy for your soul. A friend of mine recently pointed out that sometimes isolation can be your only choice for a season. Agreed… just don’t allow the season to become a way of life.

Isolation is good only in small doses. Time spent alone with God, moments of reflecting, thinking, and recalibrating… these are good uses of isolation. But in so many ways isolation is the devil’s playground. He knows human beings don’t think right when in prolonged seclusion. Depression and anxiety fester under the cover of secrecy… they are diminished when exposed to the light of relationship.

So if you’re feeling disconnected, but are afraid to reconnect—or too busy to reconnect—what can you do?

Find safe people

Safe people care about you and are committed to you. Safe people tell you the truth in love. They cheer you on in your God-given calling.  They allow you to have an opinion and don’t try to control you. Find those safe people in your life and spend time with them regularly.

Reconfigure your schedule

The amount of money in your stock portfolio and the possessions you pile up won’t matter on your death bed. What will matter are the relationships you nurtured. Reconfigure your schedule to include connecting with friends. Treat these “friend-dates” with the same level of commitment you would for a work appointment.

Go first

Don’t wait for other people (who may also be afraid and/or busy) to reach out to you. Take the first step. Overcome those negative thoughts preventing you from taking the initiative: “If they wanted anything to do with me, they would have reached out to me by now.” Or – “Why do I always have to be the one to call?” Reject negativity and reach out.

If we want to get where God wants us to go, we have to resist the temptation of isolation. Remember, the Mackinac Bridge can be a thing of beauty—or a thing of scary. Ditto with relationships.