THE 4 FUNDAMENTALS OF FORGIVENESS
Do you struggle with the F-word? The last two weeks we’ve been looking at the subject of getting a grip on our anger and learning how to express it in a healthier way. You can’t talk about anger very long without wandering into the minefield of forgiveness. Ugh....
5 WAYS TO BE ANGRY WITHOUT BLOWING IT
We live in an angry world. The age of outrage. In last week’s blog, 5 Things Everyone Needs to Know About Anger, we considered five basics we have to understand: Anger is part of the human experience Anger often involves emotional residue Anger can be the right...
5 THINGS EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT ANGER
We live in an angry world. The age of outrage. Is it just me, or do people in general seem angrier than ever? A husband remarked to his wife one day, “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger? His wife replied, “I clean the toilet.”...
4 THINGS BEING A PAPA HAS TAUGHT ME ABOUT GOD’S LOVE
I’ve been a papa now for two weeks. What an amazing club I’ve joined. In a blog two weeks ago I tried to describe the magnetic pull that occurred the first time I held our granddaughter in my arms. What an incredible bonding moment. Two weeks later, I find myself...
8 OFTEN OVERLOOKED SIGNS OF DEPRESSION
“John I’m feeling depressed.” In my line of work, I often hear those words. Having experienced major depression two decades ago, when someone tells me they’re feeling depressed, I wonder: are they having a couple of bad days in a row—or are they dealing with...
4 EMOTIONS OF A NEW “PAPA”
It’s 2:00 a.m. in the morning. I’ve just been notified that for the first time, I’m a papa! Our first granddaughter made her grand appearance a few hours ago. I was sleeping soundly, so didn’t hear my son’s text letting us know their precious little bundle had...
4 WAYS TO BEAT BITTERNESS
One of the hardest things to do in life is to forgive a person who has deeply wounded you. When a somebody attacks us, forgiveness is not usually the first thing on our mind. For some of us, our initial impulse may be to retaliate. For others of us, we may tend...
HOW TO KNOW YOU’RE RUNNING ON EMOTIONAL FUMES—AND 4 SHORTCUTS YOU CAN TAKE TO REFUEL
Emotions can be funny things. Some people let their emotions control them. Others refuse to acknowledge they even possess emotions. Some leaders, to their own peril, ignore the important role a full emotional tank plays in longevity. According to a Barna Study of...
3 WAYS TO PROCESS THE PAIN OF RELATIONAL LETDOWNS
Disappointment is the gap between our expectations and our reality. The bigger the gap, the more disappointment we feel. The more disappointment, the more pain we experience. Nowhere does disappointment seem to rear its head more than in relationships. When I take...
5 QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN CONSIDERING A TRANSITION
“John, I can’t take the pressure anymore . . . I’m thinking about resigning.” You’d be surprised how often those words or some variation of them travel across the cellular airwaves to me each month. Lead pastors who feel desperate, tired, emotionally beat up, out of...
4 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE OUT OF RHYTHM
The rhythmic pounding of ocean waves might be one of the most relaxing sounds God ever created. A couple of weeks ago, Laura and I spent a week vacationing in sunny, warm Florida. (Michigan weather, please get a clue). We took in Venice Beach on a windy day, and the...
3 LIFE-SAVING RESPONSES TO DEPRESSION
“My life is over!” It was a bone-chilling night in November 1992. Weeks of little-to-no sleep combined with a lack of appetite due to excessive anxiety finally came to a head. My emotions were spinning out of control, I was suicidal, and contemplating the least...
3 Things King David Teaches Us About Leadership & Disappointment
What do you do when ministry doesn’t work out the way you envisioned? When your expectations are swallowed up by disappointment? How do you react when you feel more like a firefighter (or a babysitter) than a leader? Have you ever thought to yourself: “I didn’t sign...
3 REASONS GREAT LEADERS NEVER STOP LEARNING FROM OTHERS
When you’re experiencing momentum in ministry or business, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you are the secret sauce to that success. It’s easy to get a big head when you’re on a roll. It’s tempting to quit listening to outside voices because you either...
6 REASONS PASTORS RESIST REST
I am fed up. According to an extensive Barna research study of 14,000 U.S. lead pastors, published in January 2017, 37% of lead pastors are at medium to high risk of burnout. 43% are at medium to high relational risk with their spouses. A whopping 66% say they have...
3 WAYS TO ESCAPE THE TRAP OF ISOLATION
Several months ago, Laura and I taught at a church in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. For those of you who are not Michiganders, our state’s Upper and Lower Peninsulas are connected by the five-mile long Mackinac Bridge. If you don’t like bridges,...
ARE YOU BUSY—OR PRODUCTIVE?
Assignment. A critical word for a leader. 2 Chronicles 23:6 says: “… all the other men are to guard what the Lord has assigned to them. The game Trivial Pursuit, created in 1979, is a board game in which winning is determined by a player's ability to answer trivia...
3 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU QUIT
What should you do if you’re a pastor and have lost the passion for your calling? What can you do when your assignment seems fuzzy, difficult, perplexing, and you find yourself wondering: “God, why did You lead me to this church?” Most pastors wrestle with these...
3 PARTS OF A HEALTHY “HELLO”
A healthier way to say “goodbye” to people who leave your church starts with a healthier way of saying “hello” when they arrive. Today I’d like to share a brief excerpt from a new book I coauthored with Jim Wiegand, Putting the Good in Goodbye Jim: Few things are more...
5 PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO 5 COMMON STRESSORS PASTORS FACE
In last week’s blog we looked at 5 Common Stressors Pastors Face: Difficulty separating from work Wear and tear of spiritual warfare Societal dysfunction Raising/maintaining church budget Sensitivity Today I’d like to offer some practical ways pastors can address...
5 COMMON STRESSORS PASTORS STRUGGLE WITH
It’s 2018! Every New Year’s Day for me brings with it a sense of a fresh start, rekindled hope, and renewed faith. I think most pastors anticipate the new year with optimism, and hold the sincere belief that the year ahead will be even better than the one they’ve just...
3 BEHAVIORS THAT PUT THE GOOD IN GOODBYE
I have exciting news to share with you—our newest book—Putting the Good in Goodbye: A Healthy Conversation About the Comings & Goings of Church People—is due out in January 2018! I coauthored the book with my friend and colleague Jim Wiegand, and decided to salt...
GROWTH BY SUBTRACTION
Growth often starts with subtraction. Thousands of years ago, when Israel was being oppressed by the Midianites, God raised up a leader named Gideon to deliver His people from their enemy. When Gideon initially rallied the troops, 32,000 men showed up. But God said:...
THE PERIL OF PEOPLE-PLEASING
Hi my name is John. I’m a recovering people-pleasing-aholic. My first twelve years of ministry had a significant undercurrent of people-pleasing attached to it. The subconscious desire for everyone to like me led to bad scheduling decisions, inner conflicts over how...
TRUSTING GOD—3 BEHAVIORS TO GET YOU THERE
In 1986 Billy Joel wrote a hit single entitled: It’s a Matter of Trust. Here’s one of the lyrics: “Some love is just a lie of the heart. The cold remains of what began with a passionate start. But that can’t happen to us. Because it’s always been a matter of trust.”...
A THANKSGIVING TRADITION
I've heard business and psychology gurus pitch the idea that we can think our way to a better life. Their premise? Our brain is soft-wired, and can be re-wired by thinking positively, and in doing so, we can have a happier life. Since this is Thanksgiving week, I'm...
4 SIGNS YOU MAY BE TOO BUSY
If you ask twenty people how many hours per week is reasonable for a leader to work, you'd probably get twenty different answers. Researchers from the business world have proven time and again that once you hit forty-five hours in a week, productivity (for most normal...
3 QUESTIONS SELF-AWARE PEOPLE ASK
"We all have blind spots. To deny it is to prove it." ~ Russ Ramsey Ever been in a conversation with a person who had no idea how their words were negatively impacting you? Ever had a boss who was clueless about how their angry rants were demoralizing you and your...
THE LOST ART OF KINDNESS
During his 1988 acceptance speech of the Republican Party’s nomination for president, George H.W. Bush called for a kinder, gentler nation. Almost 30 years later, we've apparently ignored his speech. Kindness seems in short supply. No matter where we turn—the news...
6 SIGNS YOU MAY BE A WORKAHOLIC
The term workaholism was coined in 1971 by minister and psychologist Wayne Oates, who described workaholism as “the compulsion or the uncontrollable need to work incessantly.” For decades, the North American business culture has been marked by bleary-eyed workers who...