HOW TO TALK WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
In last week’s blog, Leadership & Difficult People we stated that longevity in ministry requires pastors to occasionally make tough people-decisions. Dealing with dividers, boundary-crashers, triangulators (fancy term for gossips), square pegs in round holes,...
LEADERSHIP & DIFFICULT PEOPLE
I graduated from Oral Roberts University a starry-eyed 22-year old who was going to change the world for Jesus. No matter where God planted me and Laura, we were going to set records for Him. We would love people, and they would love us. It didn’t take long for my...
WHY PASTORS OVERSCHEDULE
This past Sunday we celebrated Family Christmas at our church. It’s an annual event where we honor people who lived out the Christmas story during the past year. We had a big crowd. So much energy in the room. Everything was perfect. Later that afternoon, sitting on...
EMOTIONS: FRIEND OR FOE?
When it comes to the subject of emotions, pastors tend to fall into two camps. Camp 1 believes emotions are meaningless and don’t matter. Emotions are to be ignored. And at the extreme layer of Camp 1… emotions are your sworn enemy. Camp 2 believes emotions are...
4 THINGS THIS PASTOR IS THANKFUL FOR
A tradition around many tables this Thanksgiving includes each person sharing a thing or two they’re thankful for during the past year. It’s been fun to watch the development of this tradition around the Opalewski Thanksgiving table. When the boys were young, it went...
3 THINGS EVERY LEADER SHOULD KNOW
Wouldn’t it be great if all a leader needed to know was 3 things? Wouldn’t our lives be simpler? Of course a leader needs to know more than 3 things—that's one reason more books on leadership exist than we’ll ever be able to read in our lifetime. I’ve lost count of...
PASTORAL HEALTH – A MYTH?
Being a pastor has its great points. Being a pastor has its not-so-great points. Some people have a naïve view of pastors. They’re convinced since he or she is doing the Lord’s work, a pastor’s life is a charmed life… exempt from normal human pressures, and the wear...
MONDAY MORNING IN PASTORVILLE
Monday morning. The sworn enemy of pastors. It’s said that many pastors quit every Monday morning, only to re-up by the end of the day. On Monday morning, Sunday gets replayed in our head. The good and the not-so-good. “Thank you Lord for Your felt presence. For those...
3 REASONS PASTORS SHOULD MAKE TOUGH CALLS
“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.” The apostle Paul wrote these strong words to Titus, a pastor who apparently had some...
3 KEYS TO HANDLING IMMATURE PEOPLE
“There is a difference between helping someone who is disabled, incapable, or otherwise infirm vs. helping someone who is resisting growing up” ~ Henry Cloud Understanding this truth would save pastors countless hours of worry, frustration, wasted time, etc. The...
BUILDING YOUR EMOTIONAL 401K
401k plans serve as the primary retirement funding vehicle for private sector workers. The purpose of a 401k plan?f It's a tax-advantaged savings vehicle for building your retirement nest egg. If you don’t contribute to your 401k now, if you don’t plan for your...
3 BASELINES OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH EVERY PASTOR NEEDS TO KNOW
We are losing pastors in the U.S. at a rate of 1500-2000 every month. A 2015 Survey conducted by Expastor.com, which focused on pastoral health, explains some reasons why. Here are the highlights (actually low-lights) of their research: 81% of pastors at times feel...
FATHER OF THE GROOM: THE SECOND ONE
Life happens fast. My firstborn son married the love of his life this past June. In a couple of days, my second born son Andrew is doing the same. Two weddings in a little over three months. And as the big day draws near, I'm feeling nostalgic. Andrew, as I think of...
4 REFLECTIONS OF A NEW (WELL NOT REALLY NEW) PASTOR
Sunday September 18 was a milestone day for the Opalewski family. The campus we’re giving oversight to launched to the public. It marks the first time in more than 20 years that we’ve officially served as “pastor.” (It’s a part-time role that allows us to continue...
ONE SECRET EVERY PASTOR SHOULD KNOW
A famous proverb begins: “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but…” Perhaps no words ring truer for pastors than these. There’s a second part to that proverb… but I’ll share it with you in a bit. When I was a pastor—especially during my years as a lead pastor—the...
4 BEHAVIORS OF HEALTHY PASTORS
The word “health” gets tossed around a lot regarding pastors. The question is: what does health look like for a pastor? I reached out to a few good friends and asked for their definition. Here are their responses: “The ability to breathe in and out. Many pastors only...
10 WARNING SIGNS OF DEPRESSION
Pastors suffer a rate of depression 4x that of the general population. For most, it sneaks up and surprises them. Emotional crisis often bubbles unnoticed under the surface until it blows up in your face. So today I’m following up my last two blogs, 7 Reasons Pastors...
5 THINGS I LEARNED AS A SUICIDAL PASTOR
It was the night of June 13, 1974. I was in a coffeehouse on Hamilton St. in Saginaw Michigan, with my best friend Kirk. He had roped me into attending a Christian concert. He talked about Jesus many times prior, so when he invited me to the concert, I knew what he...
7 REASONS PASTORS LEAVE THE MINISTRY
Two days ago I posted this on FB: “It should deeply trouble us that more than 50% of pastors leave the ministry within their first five years.” One of my pastor friends replied to the post: “What’s the top 5-8 reasons? What 1-2 insights (advice) would you give to...
3 DYNAMIC BENEFITS OF BEING OPPORTUNITY-FOCUSED
“The effective business focuses on opportunities rather than problems” ~ Peter Drucker. Great advice from a respected voice in the business world. Drucker’s words remind me of a guy I used to work with years ago. His previous employer would fly him around the globe to...
3 WAYS LEADERS CAN AN AVOID EMOTIONAL CRISIS
Credit cards operate on the following basic principle: Buy now—pay later. See a pair of shoes you like, but not enough cash on hand or in your debit account? No problem… charge it. A new set of golf clubs catches your eye, but not enough money in your wallet? No...
PASTORAL HEALTH & THE MIDDLE
Last week I blogged about 6 Reasons Pastors resist rest: https://convergecoach.com/6-reasons-pastors-resist-rest/ The post received an overwhelming response, with the vast majority of readers agreeing that pastors need to get better at regular rest. I wrote on the...
6 REASONS PASTORS RESIST REST
I am fed up. According to John Palmer of Emerge Ministries, we’re now losing 2000 pastors every month in the U.S. The main drivers are burnout, contention in the church, or moral failure. The rate of depression among ministers and their spouses is 4.5x higher than...
WORDS & MULLIGANS
I like to play golf. Don’t play it very well, but still enjoy smacking the ball around. Golfers like me use mulligans occasionally. A mulligan is a do-over: I hit a bad shot, and with permission from my fellow golfers, I pretend that shot never happened, and then I...
Sink-or-Swim Leadership
“Nearly every professional occupational field trains aspirants in every competency necessary to provide a baseline minimal standard of professionalism to his or her profession and clients. This cannot be said for pastors and ministry leadership. While pastors...
Father of the Groom
My firstborn son is getting married this week. I’m filled with emotions: happiness, joy, relief, and can I say this without being judged… pride? As the big day approaches, memories flood my mind: I remember Aaron staring at me with his big brown eyes moments after his...
Settling for Mediocre
Our church is undergoing a huge renovation project. Carpet, tile, woodwork, paint, signs, bathrooms, etc. While observing the transformation, it occurred to me: we pastors hire skilled people to lay carpet, hang drywall, plumb, and much more in our church. We engage...
Five Priorities of Every Pastor
I deeply respect what pastors do for a living. I appreciate the sacrifice, hard work, dedication, and effort they bring to the table every week. “Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task.” 1 Timothy 3:1 (NIV)...
Getting Faked Out by Busy
“Don’t mistake movement for achievement. It’s easy to get faked out by being busy.” (Jim Rohn) For a good chunk of my work life, I allowed movement to fake me out. As a youth pastor at a large church, my schedule was routinely packed. One day I remember calling my...
The Chiropractic Church
I visit a chiropractor occasionally to get my spine readjusted. When the spine is aligned, everything else physically seems better, smoother, and more efficient. The more aligned I am in terms of my body, the healthier I feel. The word healthy gets tossed around a lot...