In last week’s blog – The Power of No Part 1 – we introduced the idea of saying no as a brave thing to say. We considered three filters we can run our “no” through: Mission, mindfulness, and methodical-ness. We learned the power of no can keep us centered and sane.

In today’s episode, I’ll try to answer the question: “How do we actually say no?” Let me know what you think about these ideas:

Be unafraid

Get over your fear of saying the actual word “no.” Park yourself in front of your mirror and practice saying no with a smile. Sometimes we substitute “I’m not sure” for our no—even when we know deep down the right answer is no. Being afraid to say the word no and trying to dance around it sends confusing signals.

Be direct

Following up your no with a list of ten reasons why you can’t do something is a losing strategy. Being direct is easier when you develop a healthy sense of what you owe people and what you don’t owe them. You don’t have to explain the details of why you can’t say yes… unless you’re talking to your boss (or your spouse). If you say no politely and firmly, that’s enough.

Be kind

No can be said without attitude. Recently I was asked to financially support an organization, and I had to say no—in person. I believe in the mission of this group, so while saying no, I offered to connect them with friends who were in a better position to help. No doesn’t equal rude.

Be consistent

Sometimes your no needs to be repeated before it sinks in. If the first no fails, it doesn’t mean you need to go into a detailed explanation with your second no, or say no louder. See the notes under “be direct” and repeat as necessary. Consistency will eventually prevail.

If you’re a people-pleaser, the thought of saying no can make you nervous or even nauseous. If you’re an achiever, the idea of no can make you feel lazy or irresponsible. If you’re an entrepreneur, no can seem like organizational suicide.

When it comes to the power of no, sometimes you’ll pay a price. You may be misunderstood, or criticized. You can’t control how others respond to your no… but don’t let their response knock you off balance. Keep your mission in mind… do your homework… and pause to think about a request for your time or resources before you say yes.

No is not always easy—but when used appropriately—it simplifies your life.  Now… go look in the mirror and practice saying “no” with a big grin on your face!